butterflies, early summer...εїз

What up my favourite people. As you heard as of the day before yesterday, Eddy, Nick and I came together and formed a new band and were called The Century Project a.k.a Project el Centuria. We're no Hanson, we're no Jonas brothers but we've got balls and the pezaz to go the distance. Doubters and haters out there heres a BIG fuck you and go suck your neighbours botoxed dick. And do you need fries or some cola to go with that? - And for our beloved fans, friends, girlfriends, thank you for the support shown on this thing called the MSN messenger and those fanmails, gotta love em. ( btw the fanmail part, thats not true, ahhah! ) Videos of our songs are gonna be posted on Youtube, youre more than welcomed to check them out. Well, posting begins when Nick gets his ass back from the States and get together to play. So be patient lovelies. Anyhootie, heres the first song I written for TCP called Stolen Me. kudos ourself.
Song: Stolen Me
Performed by: The Century Project
Written by: Melvyn

Ever got the feeling, that you have been replaced?
Ever got the feeling, that your enemy's on the chase?
I stand, in here alone I want your answer
to my predicament, When I said
Him or me, there can only be one
Both is not an answer, no, no , no
Things are not really what they seem
But I could see that youre answer, is him

I feel stolen, I feel raped, I feel indignified
He took whats left of me that I left for you
Now he's really got me mad (Cant you see whats right?)
I wanna take him out tonight ( Can you hear me? ) 
When I close my eyes
All I see is his smirk, the one that got me
into overdrive, Overdrive,  when I said
Him or me, there can only be one
Both is not an answer, no, no , no
Things are not really what they seem
But I could see that youre answer, is him

He even talks like you
He even acts like you,
He tries so hard to be like you
Does he think its cool? Is it not a guess,
so are you impressed? are you impressed now?

Then I said
Him or me, there can only be one
Both is not an answer, no, no , no
Things are not really what they seem
But I could see that youre answer, is him
no, no , no, no, is it him?
no, no , no, no
Have you ever got the feelings...

First of all Id like to apologise to everyone, for disappearing on a sudden. Im really sorry guys. I really really am. Just really glad to be back now, and I pray to God it'll be business as usual. Being back here's great, but Ive been thinking lately. Watched High School Musical 3 just recently and its about say, life after high school, decisions you have to make after high school, where would life take you after high school, are you up for it? that sort of stuff. Im not that good academically but basketball? Will it take me far? Right now it may seem really cool, playing for teams, getting known in the outside world, but when Im 20 and over, itll just be some kind of past time. I'll be weaving on like a Prima Donna. Neglecting studies and waala, Ive wasted half of my life. Its like living life on the fast lane, living a shelf life some may call it. Giving up basketball, music and other stuff that I love for me right now , the stress would be unbearable. I cant only just concentrate on my studies, its impossible. but in all, these arent the only problems that are bothering me. Ever heard of the movie, sleeping with the enemy? well, curently its like Im the protagonist in this real life drama thats unfolding as the days pass by. What hurts more is that, someone you really care for is so close to your enemy. I dont know what his intentions are. Im not jealous, or am I? Im just concerned and at the same time annoyed. Its not fair. Why does he get everything to go his way? God thinks he deserves it? He once had everyone wrapped around his satanic fingers... everyone I care for or love to be by his side. I dont get it! really... Why can someone like him get the luck? What can I do... Im only human. Maybe he was born into this world destined to be a ruler. I cant compare to him, but I will die trying. He's put me in dipshit, Scarred my name in peoples eyes, He's stolen my identity, my personality, and I feel like a no body. He talks like how I do, he acts as if he's some kind of subtrated in-crowd guy where in truth people around him despise the hell out of him. It's like Ive lost part of me spiritually. Should I just concede and surrender? I'll never be as good as that snake act. Never.
So heres one choice for you. You can only pick one. Him or me. Both is not a choice, but if you pick him, I'll dissapear. BUT I know, I'll make it easier for you, I know you've got your choice cut out. You'd surely pick him, so I'll make the first move, I'll try to pull away from you. As I said, when youre happy, its all that matters even if it hurts me. And back to that day, the thought and feeling of not seeing you anymore hurt me so bad, I can still remember how it felt. Im a living timebomb, anything could happen next and just dont know when. I dont wanna feel that kind of hurt anymore, and by doing that I'll force myself to pull away from you. Its hard, I doubt if i can do it. With that I hope he cares and love you more than I do. Just like one of my previous songs, I'll wish you happiness from a safe distance.

If this chandelier that Im standing beneath comes crashing down on me
maybe it would end my existence, but no, its no difference
Its like I dont exist to you anymore, its bitter and I hurt quietly
Maybe this love thats been lost for so long, is not meant to be found
I'll just quietly lie on my bed, counting days that passed me by
days I spent without knowing how you're doing at all.
I know I'll have to continue living with these feelings, but I have faith.
even if it has burned me over countless times, I'll still hold onto it
The skies here's something new, the stars shine brighter
I gazed upon it, making a wish, wishing for someone like you to guide me through
On this day next year
I know everything would change, Maybe we'll meet again if we're destined to
maybe at a friends wedding, Ill wait for you at the doorstep until you show up
On this day next year
I would have not seen you for a year, would you still be the same girl I used to love?
In a blink of an eye it would be sixty years, but I'll be glad to be able to recognise your children
before I die, I just wanna hear you say goodbye.
If you're the last person I see before I die, I know I still have some luck left in me
and on that very day, I'll finally know that Ive truly been alive.

This song goes out to my mates, everywhere.

We were both young when I first saw you
I closed my eyes and the flashback starts
You’re standing there, On a balcony in summer air
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
you see me make my way through the crowd
And say hello, Little did you know
That I was Romeo, and I was throwing pebbles
And your daddy said, "stay away from Juliet"
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you, please don't go
And I said

Juliet, I’ll take you somewhere we can be alone
you'll be waiting, but all there's left to do is run
I'll be the prince and You'll be the princess
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

So, I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes Escape this town for a little while
Cause I was Romeo, You were the scarlet letter
And your daddy said, "stay away from Juliet"
But you were my everything to me
I was begging you, please don't go
And I said

Juliet, I’ll save you
try to tell you how I feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town
And you said “Romeo, save me
I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you, but you never come”
Is this in my head?
I don't know what to think
I knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said

”Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad

Go pick out a white dress”
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

hmm how do I start this post, haha. Like usual? nah.. id prefer to do something more different just for the record. So yea, this is the latest song Ive written and have no time to pick it up so, those interested, this lyrics are yours for the taking. Anyways, this song is dedicated to someone who means alot to me. Dont really feel like describing this whole thing tho, itll be known as soon as you guys find out? haha. PS: I really hope you read this or maybe help me sing it too, haha. This is for DFD, heres the lyrics.
Song: Sincerely Melanie
Performed by: Deer for Dinner
Written by: Melvyn 

You were by my side when I fell
down down down this pit of my regrets, I cried
I refuse to show that Im bleeding on the inside
my heart and soul, the corner of my mind
Id burn bridge after bridge just to know you'll be doing fine
Just tell me no and say that you care
Im going thru this alone, Im on my own...

Chorus:
Show me that smile
I wanna see it for the last time
I wanna know I wont forget, no matter how far
you are from me, I dont wanna go
not now not ever, you'll be in my heart
forever, na na na na na
forever, na na na na na yeah...

Time is lost never coming back
all I can do is watch it go
Do you even listen when I try to get
through to you, guess not
My only wish is for you to be happy
Maybe then you'd wanna just forget me

Chorus:
Show me that smile
I wanna see it for the last time
I wanna know I wont forget, no matter how far
you are from me, I dont wanna go
not now not ever, you'll be in my heart
forever, na na na na na
forever, na na na na na yeah...

Tell it to my face that you dont want me to go
tell me to stay, tell it to me then
I'd know, I can go with a lighter burden
Its for certained, I will miss you all my life

Chorus:
Show me that smile
I wanna see it for the last time
I wanna know I wont forget, no matter how far
you are from me, I dont wanna go
not now not ever, you'll be in my heart
I wanna know I wont forget, no matter how far
you are from me, I dont wanna go
not now not ever, you'll be in my heart
forever, forever, forever...
na na na na na na na na

Nine thousand hundred forty two kilometres wont matter
no it wont matter at all,
I tell myself it wont matter
cuz I love you...









 

Its ironicly heartbreaking how stuff turned out. This basketball tournament we've been training really hard for started on the 31st of October, 2 nights ago. Our club USJ3B is a relatively unknown club formed 2 years ago. And of course this year we're aiming to best last years poor run. This year we had the potential to do just that, our coach got the players to come together and things turned out to be good. Heres the team list:
10 - Voon Hoe      (C)
11 - Melvyn            (PG)
  9 - Julian             (G)
12 - Eugene         (SG) 
13 - Christopher  (G)
  4 - How Han       (F)
14 - Kim Fai         (F) 
  7 - Sanjay           (C)

First match was against a Seafield School team. We started off awkwardly, nervousness. Soon enough we got control of the game and it was a rather easy victory for us. 22 - 38. That night we didnt play well, we knew we had to up our game. The following match was held on the next day, at night. This time it was against a strong team put out by coach Lim Choong. We all knew we had to win this. The game started off in a fast tempo, the other team getting the lead first. Throughout the second quarter we managed to claw ourselves infront. Tell you guys frankly, this shit wasnt for the faint hearted. 13 seconds left on the clock, we were down 31 - 30, posession was with the oponent. I managed to get a steal and forced play back to their own half only for the ball to go out of bounds. 1.7 seconds left on the clock. The pass finds Voon Hoe and he pulls a jumper. The buzzer sounds, the baskets good. The 3B crowd came alive, everyone was ecstatic, one of the best feelings ever. Voon Hoe was the hero, was the man and by right he deserved to be. Great leader too. After everything settled down I received a phone call from an unknown person offering me to play for a team in the upcoming PBA Cup. It was like , super cool. Went to the usual place to celebrate after that and everyone was like talking about Voon Hoes buzzer beating basket. To be involved in that situation then was just, unbelievable. We know too that the next match were gonna play is gonna be hard. The next match was today, we all know by winning this we would be through to the semis, without worrying about our result with TM PBA. Today we played against the SJBA. Their players are good, fast flair , recruited from different schools all around. We were trailing 31 - 27 at half time. To be frank I was super exhausted. tried to be a hero today, went out to the court to work some sweat off at 3 pm. And yeah, back to the game. As the game progressed, we managed to get on level terms and even got a 3 point lead with 7.8 seconds remaining. Then, they hit a fast break, the ball getting to the hands of a kid who looks like a monk. Damn, did he stabbed us in the heart. he shot a 3 pointer and it was good. making it 39 - 39, taking the game to overtime. It was then I felt like puking, freaking tired. We Lost out during overtime. they ran out winners. throughout the game I made some really fucked up mistakes, And Im still thinking about it. The next game is on Tuesday, against a powerhouse TM PBA. We have got to win that to go to the semis. even if we got our hearts together, I dont know if we're capable of such a feat. Im not throwing in the towel, just that I feel that Im not good enough, and the team deserves alot better. I just dont know.

Been thinking so much lately. Kinda glad that things appear to be falling into place, not all tho, much to my dismay. You've been doing great, I can see that and Im really glad for you too. Times moving so fast, everyday seems an hour shorter. Im just afraid that I would no longer have the time or chance to tell you, how I really feel. Getting to know you this year is a real blessing. Talking to you then makes me feel as if theres actually someone who understands me. Knowing you made me want to do better so I quit my old ways, the one that always got me into trouble. I didnt realise it at first but soon I knew that I was doing it because of you. Being around you then felt just right, everything was just so carefree. We gotten closer, and I liked that. To be honest I loved you then but never wanted to say so, Im afraid that it'll affect out friendship, so I kept it to myself. It was something that I'll live to regret, dont wanna say why though. Negatives started to surface eversince. Up to the point that we were complete strangers, and I was the only one hurting. How did we ever end up like that? I missed everything, I missed the old you. Came a time that I felt as if I was possesed by the darker side of me, I was pissed at almost everything. Always Id think of you and how we used to be like and made a promise that I'll never be that way again. And I'll keep that promise for as long as I breathe. Then, getting the blame and being in the blacklist for something I didnt do, its just fucked up to say the least. Even my parents doubt me, my friends doubt me, teachers too, but you may not know this, you believing me, means the world. Because of you I found my strength to change, to be better. Being around other girls dont make me feel like how you do. Maybe its just me? I dont know. The whole looking on the bright side thing, I failed. I could never do it as well as you, and I'll face it, Im just someone you just met.
Sometimes Id think to myself, what would things be like if you hadnt happen in my life. For  better or worse? Maybe its something good cuz Id go to sleep everynight not knowing that someone like you existed, or maybe.. not knowing I existed would be something good for you? Right now Im just afraid that I might never get the chance to see you again, if its a good thing and all. Oh well. I'd take us as a musical box, the melody would be the memories I hold so dearly. Its still spinning no matter how I try to stop it. Theres always gonna be a place for you in my heart, no matter how long the distance are between us, 9 miles, a thousand kilometres,  I really hope that at least a fraction of me would be with you too...  I love you, I always have..

I couldnt think of a perfecter word to say
to wave you hello you looked away
even goodbyes are hard to come by
We had everything that never happened
We just kept falling and falling apart
Tell me are you really happy...
Is this how you want it to be?
I listen to my feelings that has long been silent
I tried and tried to shut it but I couldnt
Eventhough right this moment everything may seem okay
compared to the last time, trust is no longer what we're about
I will never regain who we were
I will never see that familiar face again.
Starting over sounds easy, actually doing it makes it feel awkward.
Just give me a few minutes alone with you
cuz before I go, Id freeze the memories thats left
Im not perfect neither are you, I made my mistakes, so did you.
in truth I didnt care, cuz if you're a mistake,
you're a mistake that I wouldnt mind.
You may not know it, but you've let me down countless times
It all just fast forwarded past me and I realised
that there were countless moments we shared, filled with laughter
and they were the happiest days that I could remember
How am I ever gonna pick them up again?
destiny allowed us to meet, but merely allowed us to love
in this one year that I could never forget
destiny would allow us to meet again, someday
only Jesus knows.
 

This week was supposed to be a peaceful one for me, considering my finals are here and all, but no, people just aint satisfied and I guess they never will be. Na Young, I really hope you read this. First of all I'd like to thank you for the Man utd jersey you bought for my birthday, It was so expensive I couldnt accept it. But still I took it and then, decided to return it through Ashraff, and you didnt like it then you threw it away. Right now, Ive got no idea where the jersey is. Then yesterday, out of the blue you came to me and ask for the jersey back, I mean come on, Why now? Why not the last time when I wanted to return it to you? Its so clear you just want some drama, And Im sorry I have no interest to be a part of it. Ive been having problems dealing with myself and YET, here you are making it seem as if youre the victim and all. You know, just for the record, When you and Adrienne went around telling people stories about me and how much of a jerk I was, Do you know how pissed of I got? No you dont, cuz to you this world revolves around you, You want everyones sympathy. Thats one of the reasons Im so afraid of you. You backstab your own friends and then go around telling people that you got backstabbed. Trust me I know alot about backstabbing and just sucks being at the receiving end or watching the people you really care for be at the receiving end of it. And for yelling at you, Im sorry for that. Its just that you were yelling too much that I really couldnt stand it. I apologise for bringing Joey into this and this has got nothing to do with her. And just for the record, tell your "guys" to stop bugging me and take their threats someplace else cuz I'll tell you frankly, Im not afraid. You know, theres certain lines you dont cross but you crossed it. Ive promised someone I'll never get myself into any of these nonsence anymore, so just cut me some slack, would you? well maybe I just love her too much to see the verdict of all of these. So I'll walk away from it all before it gets any further. Dont get it twisted its not a plea that I must cope with for Im just willing to be the bigger man. Tell them to stop popping off at the jaws cuz frankly Im sick of these. Im not gonna let someone elses coffin rest on my conscience.

 

Song: Talk to Me

Talk to me, you speak with me
Don’t sink before you rise baby
Don’t fade away
You hesitate, you seem to wait
For all the time we had, feels like a world away
Who’s to say, we’ll be ok
We will make it through the night
Don’t wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile
Cause we’re the same
And I pray that we’ll never change

Chorus:
Look I bought your favourite ice cream
I don’t wanna see it melt away
If you walk out now
I don’t know if we’re gonna be the same
Baby just talk with me
Cause I want you to stay here with me

The memories, The things we did
I locked inside my heart, Where I know I won’t forget
And now, who’s to say, we’ll be ok
We will make it through the night
Don’t wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile
Cause we’re the same,  And I know that we’ll never change

Chorus:
look I bought your favorite ice ream
I don’t want to see it melts away
If you walk out now
I don’t know if we could be the same
Baby just talk with me
Cause I want you to stay here with me

I want you to stay here with me

Ive got no idea whats going on with me of late. It feels as if Im possesed. My emotions always running high and I cant control my temper. It's as if the whole world owes me something and Im hell-bent to get it back. I dont even understand myself anymore. People who matter so much to me, people like you, slowly leave me one by one. WHY? I want to know why? I dont fucking understand. Whats wrong? Is it always gotta be like this? You wanna make it seem as if I dont exist to you,  fine. At least tell me why, cuz its just so selfish of you. At least let me know why cuz Ive been thinking about it so much that my head is starting to hurt....

The holidays are ending and I guess this would be the last piece of song I'll be writing, for now. This song is about a guy leaving for Toronto, Canada real soon. Leaving things behind with a heavy heart . This song goes out to you.
Song: Toronto
Performed by: Deer for Dinner
Written by: Melvyn

This is my last year to get it right
Blowing this scene, I'll be getting out of your sight
You were my extraordinary light, whoa
I kept losing you time and time again
Ive always wanted you to care,  I cared too much
But I'll leave this pain behind

Chorus:
Toronto here I come
What do you have in stored for me?
In Toronto I am new, In Toronto I wont miss you
In Toronto I'll be strong, In Toronto my life will rhyme,
but before I go I wanna see you for the last time

You were my dream, the dream that never realised
I have this passion, this passion only you knew
This fire is burning in my eyes
Flames to dust but here its flames to waters
I'll be leaving with a heavy heart with a single tear
Your voice is all Im dying to hear

Chorus:
Toronto here I come
What do you have in stored for me?
In Toronto I am new, In Toronto I wont miss you
In Toronto I'll be strong, In Toronto my life will rhyme
but before I go I wanna see you for the last time

Im in Toronto hear me out
Id stop the world for fourteen minutes
Just to look in your eyes without you knowing
You're always on my mind, youre always on my mind
Toronto's on my mind

Chorus:
Toronto here I come
What do you have in stored for me?
In Toronto I am new, In Toronto I wont miss you
In Toronto I'll be strong, In Toronto my life will rhyme,
but before I go I wanna see you for the last time 

Im in Toronto hear me out
I'll be sober, Cant help but to miss you
Im gonna miss you
When Im Toronto would you miss me like how I miss you?
Six weeks today, Four years tomorrow,
I'll never forget you

HEY, This site is for people under 18 only. I suggest u guys go check youtube or something aite? redtube maybe? not hot enough? skin tube? ok lah... porn tube. Cool?

Sorry guys, ure not allowed here.

I dedicate this piece to you. Eventhough you seem like a different person now, a total stranger but I still want to know you for who you were and not what you have become and what it has been done to me. I miss you, alot.
Song: Leave the Memories Alone
Performed by: Deer for Dinner
Cover by: Melvyn

Okay finally Ive finished with this song. It is mainly about how problems can happen between two people and while one of them is hurting, the other is just moving on so easily with life without caring about what the other person is going through. I personally dedicate this song to you guys out there who could somehow relate. Keep it real.
Song: Watch Me Fall
Performed by: Deer for Dinner
Written by: Melvyn

This pain can be so beautiful
this silence would be so deafening
Ive seen so much and Ive seen enough
cuz from you it feels like Im hurting on my own
your feelings of late are never shown
can you tell me, try to make me understand
I know you dont care, but just tell me
how do you do it, your heart is freezing cold

Chorus:
Your eyes are dark and blue
Your promises never true but I believed you
Word for word it lifts my hopes up
and it always ends up crashing
yet you stand before me smiling
you stand here, just to watch me fall

Every night's the same Id stare out my window
Every night's the same Id look for a star
Every night's the same Id wish for the same damn thing
eventhough it'll never come true
I would say a prayer
every night I'd pray for you

Chorus:
Your eyes are dark and blue
Your promises never true but I believed you
Word for word it lifts my hopes up
and it always ends up crashing
yet you stand before me smiling
you stand here, just to watch me fall

Im turning around and walking away ( I dont want to )
you can watch me go but please make me stay...

Chorus:
Your eyes are dark and blue
Your promises never true but i believed you
Word for word it lifts my hopes up
and it always ends up crashing
yet you stand before me smiling
you stand here, just to watch me fall

la la la la la...
Im not asking for your sympathy
Just need a little apathy from you
Im drowned in tears, covered with fears
of the angel, I used to call my own

Your eyes are dark and blue
Your promises never true but I believed you

You could be happy, I wont know. You could be sad, I wont know. Did I by any chance, flash through your mind today, maybe just for a split second? Black clouds surround my skies. The sun that used to shine so brightly, is now dim, smothered by the clouds. I havent spoken to you for so long. I miss your voice, I havent heard them for so long, could it be Ive forgotten how you sound like? I miss your smile, the one that used to light me up. Could it be what Im feeling would turn out to be true? Now all you do is look away. When I talk to you, would you even care about what Im saying? On IMyou dont even wanna communicate anymore. If I tell you Im happy Id be telling a big fucking lie. Theres a 101 problems knocking on my door and youd push me into overdrive. I try so hard to hate you for so many reasons, but I just cant. Say sorry only when you really mean it. Dont give me false hopes, then watch them fall over and over and over and over again. I always look back to the past, its as if Im still living in it. And then Id come to realise that it was all just a big lie. The old you? the new you? Whats the difference? I can tell you right now its the heart. For others to manipulate you, is like taking candy from a baby. I feel so sad and hurt by your actions. Lately theres so much going on, theres so much I wanna talk to you about. Turns out ure no longer that person by my side. A bitter pill to swallow, yet Im not planning to spit it out or swallow it. I'll keep its bitterness in my mouth, just as how Im just gonna bleed in silence.
I hope you're having a nice life. I wish you well. And I hope he would rock your world, every single day.

Been lacking focus in everything Im doing. During nerding its like my books are wide open and Im reading, but nothing seems to be going in. Drum practice, guitar practice, Ive been screwing up- big time. I cant even come up with anymore songs, its like my mind's full with thoughts of some sort.  During basketball too, I dont feel like myself. Missing open baskets, missing open lay-ups, failed penetrations, and I cant even sink my favourite jumpshot. Its really frustrating. Tournament coming soon, Ive gotta pick myself out of this slump. Been practicing 100 three-pointer shots every evening. Ya know what they say, practice makes perfect.
Browsed thru my comp's music files and came across this song Im listening to right now, Say it Again by Marie Digby. Havent listened to it for ages. Somehow I'd think of you when I did. There are so many unanswered questions floating about in my mind. Are you so caught up with your life that you've completely forgotten about me? I see you smiling with your friend, I see you laughing with him but I swear, you looked right through me like I was invisible. I feel like a coward. Im standing right here when where I wanted to be was over there. I may be older than you, I may be bigger than you, I may be louder than you but Im certained, that with you around I feel so small, like an ant its so hard to reach out. But you dont seem to care, do you? Looking on the bright side... its easier said than done.
Theres so much I wanna talk to you about. IM seems to be the only place we can communicate and STILL there are so many difficulties.
telling you about how much Ive missed you, telling you how much I still care and I think that you never really did care.
I remember telling you that if you didnt want me around, tell me and I promise you, I will never, ever appear in front of your face anymore. Im just so lost for words right now. Do you wanna make this right?...

Ive gotta wake up at 6 for school tomorrow and here I am, lol. Way past midnight and I cant sleep. My parents are at Italy, vacation and that leaves me as the boss of the house for a week, haha. Parents + Vacation = a happy Melvyn, get the equation? =P Just kidding, In fact Im really starting to miss them  =(  Promised them I'd put my heart and soul into studying, but ive not quite done it yet =( I feel bad...
on the happier note, Webster moved into that deserted bungalow me and the guys used to play in, how ironic? lol. But its really pretty cool, considering his house is only a hundred steps away from mine... AND its got a swimming pool = Free Swimming sessions =D  cant wait, cant wait. Been thinking alot lately, and during basketball my heads not in the game. I Feel like Im losing myself =( 

One of the things thats been occupying my head, is you. Ive been thinking about things between us, how its slowly falling apart and fading away. I can't escape the thought of you cuz In my dreams you are near. It's not fair how you're moving on so fast, while I am still living in the past. It's amazing how you make your face just like a wall, how you take your heart and turn it off, how I turn my head and lose it all. You'll never understand why I hurt so much, you're not the one who is left behind, you're not the one who cared too much, and you're not the one who is holding on to something thats quickly fading. I dont want our relationship to be like a crumpled piece of paper; cuz when I try to straighten it out, it'll never be in its true form. Sometimes I think love is like the tears we try to hide, only truly apparent as it slips away.

There was a message I wanted to send to you thats still in my phone's draft column--dated 27/5/08. Everything I ever wanted you to know was in it , and in the end I decided not to send it. I didnt want anything to come between us. What If I sent it that night? Would everything still turn out like this? Somehow I regret not doing it, I really do. I realised I slowly lost my place since then. It really hurt alot. If I could tell you now, how I felt then, to say how much I really cared, and mean them once again. Realizing you are there, standing right behind, only knowing, you're not so far behind. I wish tonight, you're near just like before, and you were telling me we'd always be alright. I always knew I would look back on my tears and laugh, but I never knew I would look back at my laughter and somehow shed a tear. Has this moment truly passed us by? Am I the only one whose hurting? Even so, I really want you to be happy, even if Im not part of your happiness...

Heavily Broken

Everyday I sit here waiting
Everyday just seems so long
And now I've had enough of all the hating
Do we even care, it's so unfair
Any day it'll all be over
Everyday there's nothing new
And now I just try to find some hope
To try and hold onto
But it starts again
It'll never end

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying
Almost heading for a fall
And now my mind is screaming out
I've gotta keep on fighting
But then again
It doesn't end

Feels like I'm drowning
I'm screaming for air
Louder I'm crying
And you don't even care

Once, we were floating on friendship's wings
Enjoying a bond closer than that of siblings
Almost like we explored and knew each other
In ways no one else would even bother.
Deep in your eyes, I read clear phrases
Of what you tried to hide in your soul's mazes
I saw your true you, your thirst to live,
Your best, your worst, in every perspective.
We still weren't friends yet it even felt better,
Just by looking at you, I solved every matter
Almost like we had the same heart and mind,
A tight bond that nowhere else you'd find.

Once, we were close, what's happening now?
We're drifting apart and I can't see how,
Where are you to help me through dangers
Why did we shift from friends to strangers?

Seeing you was a cause of elated rapture
Now it's worse than a throbbing torture
We barely exchange a 'hi' on the fly
When somewhere, by chance, we pass by.
Is this how our story is meant to end?
Should I pretend you were never a friend?
Should I nodd and continue my walk
Without taking the time of a little talk?
Is it all dead, can't we try to save a bit?
Is this the closure that I will have to admit?
And am I supposed to smile like I agree
That we're now further than far can be?

I refuse it, yet I'm confined to the fact
That everytime we cross, I have to pull an act
Still it's murdering me, from the inside out,
I just wish to stand in your face and shout

'What happened, where did it all go wrong?
Why are you accepting this and playing along?
Don't you miss the special bond we had
Don't you miss me, aren't you a little sad?
I'm not asking for hours, just a brief moment
To look at your eyes and stop the torment,
To ask you just how has your life been,
If I'm worried about you, is it now a sin?
See, I tried to hide it but it's clearer with time
That without you, my life's verses don't rhyme
I just miss you, and I ask why it's not the same
It wasn't your fault nor mine but who's to blame? '

Once, we were roaming on affection's street
Together, ready to face the world and defeat
It's killing me now, don't you even see
That by losing you, I lost the best part of me?